mitchell and his guns

MOTHER THERESA….. when she was hot

ohnotheydidnt: ‘Modern Family’ actors who play gay couple dish on real life

via i.usatoday.net

Cam and Mitchell

Mitchell: Hey Cam, that orphanage, it was all women. Maybe she can’t fall asleep unless she feels a woman’s shape?
Cam: I guess that’s possible.
Mitchell: So here. (hands Cam the baby)
Cam: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
[Talking heads]
Cam: Yes, I’ve gained a few extra pounds while we were expecting the baby. Which has been, very difficult, but apparently your body does a nesting, very maternal, primal thing where it retains nutrients. [Night-vision footage of Cam sneaking food] Some sort of molecular-physiology thing. But that’s science…you can’t fight it. So.
Mitchell: I’m not saying anything.
Cam: You’re saying everything.

Modern Family: Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot

Jay: I’m just saying you should take it down here a little bit that’s all.
Gloria: Well, yea, because there’s where you live down here, but I live up here!
Jay: Maybe you don’t have to be so emotional all the time, that’s all I’m saying. Manny! You’re with me on this right?
Manny: I want to tell Branda Thelman I love her.
Jay: Oh for god’s sakes.
Gloria: Manny, she’s 16.
Manny: Oh, so it’s ok for you to take an older lover?
Jay: Hey hey, watch it.
Manny: I want to go over to the mall where she works. But first I need to get my white shirt, the silk one.
Gloria: Ok, if that’s what you really want to do…
Jay: Seriously, not to be the evil stepdad, but if you put on a puffy white shirt and declare your love for a 16-year-old, you’re going to be swinging from the flag pole in your puffy white underpants!
Manny: Stop the car!
Gloria: Wh-where you going?
[Manny exits the car]
Gloria: See, you hurt his feelings.
Jay: Yea, well if it toughens him up a little bit then…Aw jeez, he’s picking flowers!

Modern Family: Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot

Alex: Mum! Dad! Luke just shot me!
Luke: I didn’t mean to!
Claire: Are you ok?
Alex: No! The little bitch shot me!
Phil: (Laughs)
Claire: Language!
Luke: They’re only plastic BBs, it was an accident!
Claire: (To Phil) What did I tell you what’ll happen if you got him a gun? Deal with this!
Phil: (To Luke) Buddy, uncool!
Claire: That’s it? Nonononono, the agreement was that if he shoots someone, you shoot him.
Phil: What we were serious about that?
Claire: Yes, we were. Now you’d have to follow through.
Luke: (Pretends to cry) I’m so sorry!
Claire: Liar.
Luke: (stops crying immediately)
Phil: But he’s got a birthday party…
Alex: What’s more important here dad?
Claire: You can shoot him afterwards, he’ll be home at 2.
Phil: I can’t shoot him at 2, I’m showing a house at 2.
Alex: What about 3?
Claire: No, he’s got a soccer game at 3…(looks at calendar)..Oh then we got to leave at the dinner thing at 5… 4.15, you can shoot him at 4.15?
Phil: Yea I guess that works for me.
Luke: (groans)
Claire: (writes on calendar) Shoot…Luke…
Phil: Sorry dude, it’s on the calendar.
Luke: Aww, come on!

Modern Family: Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot

Phil: I’m the cool dad…that’s my thang. I’m hip, I surf the web. I text LOL, laugh out loud, OMG, Oh My God, WTF, Why The Face. Um, you know, I know all the dances to High School Musical…so…(smirks)

[High School Musical’s “We’re All In this Together”]
Phil: (Dancing) We’re all in this together, yes, we are, we’re all stars, something something you know it…

Modern Family: Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot

Mitchell: Ah, we’ve have been together for…uh…five-five years now?
Cam: (Nods)
Mitchell: And uh, we just decided that we really wanted to have a baby. So we initially asked one of our lesbian friends to be a surrogate…
Cam: Then we figured, they’re already mean enough, can you imagine one of them pregnant? No thank you, ick.

Modern Family: Season 1, Episode 1 - Pilot