so. who else hates becky? I AM NOT CHARMED.

Barney: [whistling, goes to answer the door] Hey!
[Marshall, Ted and Lily enters the room]
Marshall: [punches the storm trooper’s head off]
Barney: Dude! Why would you do that!
Marshall: Because, I’m angry at you, I’m angry at me, I’m angry at Ted, and frankly I’m still angry at the Empire.
Barney: Why are you angry at me?
Ted: Dude! You were a real jerk in front of Robin while she’s going through her mourning period!
Barney: Mourning period? She hasn’t been going through any mourning period!
Marshall: Oy…
Ted: So unobservant.
Marshall: Such a guy.

HIMYM: Season 5, Episode 17 - Of Course

Robin: [picks up the phone] Hello?
Don: Hey, Robin.
Robin: Oh, hey Don.
Marshall: [looks up excitedly]
Don: Listen, do you want to go out Saturday night?
Robin: Saturday night…
Marshall: Is he asking you out? Say yes! Say yes!
Robin: Look, Don, listen, it’s really really sweet of you to ask…and, you’re a great guy
[Marshall leaves the living room to pick up the phone in the kitchen]
Marshall: [high falsetto voice] Yes, I’ll go out with you!
Don: Robin, are you ok?
Marshall: [high falsetto voice] Um, I just had a little cold, that’s probably what you’re hearing. But, Saturday night sounds great! We can even go to a steak house and you can bring home some prime rib for my friend Marshall! Ok, gotta go! Love you! Bye!
Robin: What the hell are you thinking?!
Marshall: Robin, you’ve got to do this ok? A great guy like Don is rare…and speaking of rare, prime rib. Don’t forget. Thank you.

HIMYM: Season 5, Episode 17 - Of Course

howimetyourmother:

vianegativa:

HIMYM, 5X04

howimetyourmother:

pibbplusredvines:

Twas the night before this one, I had hours to kill.
I sat in the tavern grading parchments with quill.
A busty young lassie flashed me a grin.
Her garb said classy, but her eyes whispered sin.
She said, “You’re a teacher?”  I said, “yes, indeed.”
“I must have you,” she moaned. “I’m turned on by tweed.”
With haste we did scamper, to my chamber anon.
We fell to the couch, and bro, it was on.
I unlaced her bodice; our passion grew deeper.
And thus ends the tale, of the sexless innkeeper.

How I Met Your Mother - 5x04: “The Sexless Innkeeper”

Barney: Crazy, right? Ted’s having gay dreams about me?
Marshall: And by me, he means M-E, Marshall Eriksen! Star of Ted’s gay dreams!

- HIMYM, 4x21, The Three Days Rule

Barney: (reading Ted’s message) I sometimes have gay dreams about my best friend…!
Marshall: Why, in the world, would Ted text a girl he barely knows that he sometimes has gay dreams about me?!
Barney: Woah, woah, slow your roll. You? He’s clearly talking about me.
Marshall: Dude it’s me, I’m his best friend!
Barney: Okay. One, that has never been proven. Two, if anyone were to have gay dreams about one of us, it would be me! I mean look at me. Then look at you. A still-in-the-closet-80-year-old wouldn’t be into that mess.
Marshall: Here’s the thing, Barney. I’m snuggly, you’re not! Who wouldn’t want to snuggle up to this business on a Sunday morning? Wrapped in a comforter and it’s raining outside, and there’s muffins warming in the oven…I’m cuddly, bitch! Deal with it!
Barney: I work out everyday! If there is one thing we know about Ted, is that he likes a nice body, this body will rock his world!
Marshall: Ted and I have a history! I know what he likes! There are things I could do to him that would blow his mind! (pause) Why do we keep trying to have sex with Ted?
Barney: I don’t know, it’s weird.

- HIMYM, 4x21, The Three Days Rule

Marshall: That was awesome! But it’s time to tell him who he really put those boots on for.
Barney: Yea…OR…We just took off our shirt.  
Marshall: Yea, that’s better. (types message)
Barney: Oh, oh! Do you think maybe, we’re wearing a black lace bra underneath?
Marshall: I don’t think we’re wearing anything underneath.
Barney: Oh god, we’re hot!
Marshall: (reading Ted’s reply) Now, he’s only wearing the cowboy boots! It is on!!
Barney: It is so on! Okay, tell him we are slowly slipping out of our….(pause) What are we doing?
Marshall: I think we’re about to have sex with Ted.

- HIMYM, 4x21, The Three Days Rule

Ted: (naked lady noise) Heh heh heh heh, that’s totally a boob.

- HIMYM, 4x21, The Three Days Rule

[in the bar]
Ted: Okay, fine, I promise. I won’t call Holly for three days.
Future Ted: But I never said anything about texting. I started things off with something cute, and charming.

[at home]
Ted: (texting) I was thinking about you, so I decided to send you a little texty-text.
Future Ted: And the moment I hit send, I realised, it wasn’t cute at all! It was the lamest thing anyone has ever said to anyone! And the worst thing about texting is that once you send it…you can never get it back.

- HIMYM, 4x21, The Three Days Rule